Can we join in? Some thoughts on taking women who love women seriously, for International Women's Day.

I have a bit of anger inside me. Anger about the rubbish that women who are attracted to women (choose your own label) are still facing today. Yes - we've come a long way in the journey towards equal rights. Who thought we would ever see a white, male, heterosexual Conservative Prime Minister pledging his support for equal marriage? (Well - it did take a bit of work from the Lib Dem Equalities minister, Lynne Featherstone, to get him there.) But same sex attraction still isn't accepted or acceptable to everyone, and today, on International Women's Day, I want to highlight how this can play out for women who chose to be with a woman rather than with a man.

Whilst gay men (and women) still face a range of prejudice, abuse and even horrific violence (some friends of mine were attacked by a gang with a metal bar in Holloway a couple of years ago) for rejecting the traditional role of a heterosexual man, gay women can also face a reaction that is more subtle: it is mixed up with sexism and misogyny (it may even be rooted in sexism and misogyny rather than homophobia), it doesn't always meet with outrage, but it can still be very damaging and may be why women  who love women are one of the most invisible groups of people in our society, even today.

The story about Jane Hill coming out in The Sun:
 http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2789609/BBC-newsgirl-Im-a-lesbian.html

Our lovely friends at the tabloid newspapers are not well known for their respectful way of reporting women's lives, but I was particularly shocked at some of the language used in news stories when BBC newsreader, Jane Hill, (a friend of mine from the British American Project) came out two years ago. The Sun reported the story by referring to her as "Busty Jane" (as if she were a page three girl, or worse) and leading with the sub heading that the news would stun her male fans. And then, more recently, when Chris Huhne MP left his wife for another woman, the newspapers filled up with headlines about the "bi"sexuality of his new partner. This report in the Daily Mail went to great lengths to report on details such as her stereotypically lesbian features: "boyish cropped, spiky haircut and love of Dr Marten boots and jeans." Wait - an attractive woman who has "rejected" men, a boyish woman who used to be with a woman and is now with a man. Confusing times in the life of a tabloid journalist. Better make the best out of it by regaining control of the situation and focussing on women as sexual objects that are only valid in relation to men and only judged by their appearance.

Women from all backgrounds often suffer from low self-esteem, and with gay women this sometimes leads to them denying who they really are. They see women getting by in the workplace by flirting with men. Women often face a struggle to succeed in a man's world, without rejecting their stereotypical role even further through the "ultimate rejection of men". Luckily work in an environment where this sort of behaviour does not occur. But the extreme reactions of men to same sex attraction between women are still ever present in inner London. It is not unusual for men to shout excitedly from their van at a woman kissing her girlfriend in the streets of Islington or for men on the streets of Soho to leer at women enjoying an intimate moment by shouting: "Can we join in?" Funny? To be expected? Or disempowering, humiliating and hurtful? Is this act harmful to their masculinity? Imagine that happening to a straight couple. I'd be interested to see their reaction. Although I'm guessing straight women can probably sympathise - most of them have walked past a group of sexist builders in their time - most of them have also been reduced to sexual objects by men they have never met.

Even some gay men are guilty of not taking gay women seriously. Maybe the misogyny expressed by some (but by no means all) of my gay male friends is coming from a different place to straight men. They don't like the idea of being sexual with a women in the same way that a straight man doesn't like the idea of being sexual with a man, and we all know what behaviour that can provoke. But reactions like "lesbians are disgusting", "yuk", "they are so ugly"  or even just laughing at the term "lesbian" are powerfully oppressive to a group of women who often suffer, individually and collectively, from low self esteem, and should be receiving support from their gay male counterparts in the battle against homophobia and gender role conformity.

All of these reactions towards women make me angry because they are an attempt to control women and to achieve this by denying us. Jane Czyzselska talks about the invisibility of lesbians in the media in her article for the Guardian's Comment is Free. But there is an invisibility of gay women in many other areas of life, even on the gay scene (there is only one lesbian club in central London, compared to dozens of clubs for gay men.) Explicit homophobia is horrific, but at least you know it is wrong and you know how to fight back. Homophobia mixed up with sexism can result in people not taking women who love women seriously. The Queen Victoria anecdote is familiar, but illustrative of this hidden malignancy. It is hard to take yourself seriously and your accept yourself if others (gay men included) do not.